Without gratitude, I don’t believe it’s possible to find true peace. I feel that its taken me 35 years to find true gratitude for my life – as chaotic and often fucked up as it all seems…I am so grateful to be here. To have this so called life of mine.
Today, I laid in the grass with my friends – laughed and talked, watched the babies that are now fast and furiously growing far away from actually being babies anymore…the sun was on our faces, not a cloud in the sky. It was peace. Later, I sat by myself staring at a garden with the earth between my toes and just whispered, “Thank you, thank you thank you thank you….” Gratitude for the existence of sun and breath has literally altered my sense of being this year.
My soul is so much more quiet and calm when I can praise the simple moments.
You see, I made an effort this year to fall in love with myself, my life. To find beauty in the darkest corners and the quietest of hours. I fell in love with my friends (and some new ones too) all over again. Practicing gratitude has empowered me in ways that silly words just can’t remotely articulate. It’s given me this quiet patience and faith. I highly recommend even in the deepest spirals of our own intricate insanities, you embrace the words, “Thank you.”
All of this has allowed the clutter to clear for me. When I drive along the ocean, my mind is no longer filled with caverns of cobwebs but these images of laughter – my life. I am no longer afraid. I am just – well, grateful. I see all of them around me, these people that I have chosen to be the beautiful flowers in the garden of my life…you get what you give. I would like to believe that I have given well to have these beautiful gifts around me. In the very least, I’m trying.
I am here for a reason, and I appreciate that now. Truly. If you can embrace and accept as opposed to fight – it’s enlightening. If you can just allow yourself to be without itching the constant scratches of distractions you can ebb and flow with it. You can just be without constantly doing – if that makes sense? I wasn’t really good at that for a long time. I always believed that being in control would allow me feel in control. That isn’t the case. It has only been since I have allowed myself to lose control and to just succumb to the moments instead of thinking of the next, that I have found the greatest strength. It rocks.
Anyway, - I could go on and on. I won’t. For tonight, I will just say thank you sun, thank you earth, thank you friends, and thank you family. Thank you thank you thank you a thousand times and back again. I get it now.
xo
