I haven’t written in awhile. Surprising because of the myriad amount of thoughts that stampede around my head on a daily basis. Wait, I retract, I did write this whole 2008 wrap up piece but it was all slimed up with cheeze so I opted not to share.
I’m sitting at the car dealership while they fix my putt putt up – they have no wireless so I figured why not do some purging? Maybe it will help me to focus on something else besides hacking up a lung all over the place. I’m sick. Again. What else is new? If my state of being could be measured by my health these days – or more so over the past year, well, that would say enough.
I’m in this ‘transitionary’ place – where I have been for a while I guess. There is a kind of solace about it all. I’m not overwhelmingly giddy about anything but I’m also not overwhelmingly depressed about anything either. I just am. I know that I am secluding myself from all things that I see as a negative impact on my spirit. For now, that’s enough. I believe I have been ‘privatizing’ my thoughts a lot more. I don’t feel the need to share where my life, or me, is at with most. Because it just is what it is and it is mine.
In some ways, I guess I’ve just sort of given up on a lot of things and people. Not in a woe is me sad sort of sense but in a realistic ‘weeding my garden’ way. Life is short. If I’m not getting what I’m giving, well, then I’m not going to give anymore. Easy peas.
My sister and I were driving last night and we talked about my life long search for ‘the one’ – I’ve given up on that too. On many levels I’ve had many ‘ones’ and at the end of the day I don’t believe that the perfect ‘one’ exists. You work with what you have. If you have a few key elements such as passion, forgiveness, loyalty and humor – well, the rest you can figure out along the way. Or so I tell myself. It’s sort of like giving up the belief in Santa Claus. Soul-mate Santa. Ha. It’s fun when your young but doesn’t work so well when you’re an aging soul like myself - and I guess I’ve stayed young for a bit too long.
I just think too much. I think I’m done thinking. I just want to live. Be simple. Be good and surround myself with those that want and believe in the same. For now, that’s enough. I think.
