Lately, these sounds swim and swoon around my head. I write all day long – in my mind. It’s just rare these days that I actually have time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard).
I’m in this transitionary place. Still. I know this. I am really really good with this. I’m happy. I just ‘am’ and that’s just enough. I’ve stopped trying to figure it all out and am content just floating along to wherever this journey leads. There are people and things that give me love and pleasure and my spirit is pretty clear. However, as of late, I feel like there’s a chip missing.
Let me try to explain the chip. The chip is this innate, nagging need to do more with my life. Something that has a bit more depth and meaning – something that’s soulful. I’m not going to go on some life quest saving seals or anything like that, I just need to have my life be about more than just me. And I just don’t know how to do this.
It’s not as simple as trying to save the earth or every downtrodden soul I meet. It’s more complex than that. It’s more than just a momentary action. It’s a life thing. Maybe more of a ‘practice’? Does that make sense? It has nothing to do with religion, or work or just the mere action of giving. It has to be deeper than all of that. It is whatever the rest of my life is supposed to be about. I guess that’s the only way I know how to explain it.
I know that its there…it’s like energy in the room that I can’t grab and I know that it is coming soon and all the little bits of the bits are sorting their way and clearing a path for it. It's like each day I have this sort of anxious energy like I'm waiting to be taken to the prom but my date is running late. With all that I am, I know my life is about to change and I can't tell you how, or where, or when or even why....it's just all around. I believe that. I believe in that. There is just more to do and be. There just is. And what that is will find me. I just wish it would hurry its ass up already.
That’s my chip. And it’s missing. And I want to find it. And maybe I just needed to write this all down so that 'when/if' lightening strikes...it was noted.
Cheerios. Thanks for listening.
5 comments:
"It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."
-Random Customer, Clerks (1994)
I hear you. And this is why I'm planning on going back to school to become a teacher. I'm missing my chip as well.
I think that's so great Colin. Whatever moment catapulted you to make that decision is what I am looking for as well.
Lovely quote. (;
I really think we need to grab a coffee as you would appreciate the moment of clarity that I had that led to this decision...being that we work in similar fields.
I'm a total sucker for Kevin Smith flicks. I love the way he writes. That quote is a perfect example, it has weight, but is crass and funny at the sometime. I love that.
Coffee. YES! Although I drink tea..if that's ok?
I accept all for who they are...tea drinker.
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