“The night wants to kiss you”….so sings Patty Griffin..
And so it is, that the time has come for me to write again. I’ve been wanting and meaning to for a while. Just couldn’t find the moment.
I doubted myself yesterday. I never doubt myself. It was a really wonky fucked up place for me to be. I think I’m over it now. I’m blessed to have a great mentor in my life that keeps me in check. I’m also blessed to have a mind that is stronger than a doubtful spirit and so I’m pretty sure that all is good now.
You see, I am what I am. I am as good as I can be. Beyond that, I can’t do much more. Just breathe, figure it out with each step and do right by myself when and where I can and if the cosmos align, do right by everyone around me as well.
I’m not naïve enough to not be aware of how very blessed that I am. I don’t know many that have the gifts that I have been given. Maybe even the gifts that I have worked my ass off for – regardless, they are beautiful gifts and even if I might not say it, or express it properly, these gifts, these souls in my world are the spirits that guide me. My sanity check(s).
I turn 35 this week. Most of me can’t quite grasp it - as if part of me feels as if I am just starting to live – just starting to figure myself out…to own myself – if that makes any sense. I feel for the first time in awhile that I can be anything. I often times find myself overwhelmed with the insane gorgeousness of my life that I drive and cry and I feel and I tuck it all into this place in my pocket – a story to remember to tell someone some day. But I know it – you know? I know it. And I wasted a lot of years not understanding that – or this…
Life is short right? These days, each day, I find myself trying to find my way but also just really fucking grateful. So grateful. If you know me, personally, and know my life you would understand. I have every and all right to praise it. I have these kick ass amazing souls in my life…every walk, mindset, style, image, belief…they exist in my world and I thrive on them and they complete all of the facets of my mind. These beautiful gifts called my friends. My friends, the family that I have chosen, and my sister, my blood who just gets me and accepts me. It’s priceless. And maybe I’m reminding myself of this by writing because for a few hours last night, I lost that reminder….and we all need it. A reminder of what we are made of.
Remember why you are here, those you touch and those that touch you. Stop wallowing in what isn’t…because that isn’t, isn’t here and if it isn’t here then it isn’t worth much. I guess, in the end, as you weed your garden, that’s what it comes down to. If it’s not there anymore, it doesn’t mean much. No looking back, just around and ahead. Right?
Go forth and prosper. And if possible, find a smidgeon of gratitude for the moments – because they pass. And they build the story of you..so embrace the story.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Rambles of the bambles...
I haven’t written in awhile. I think I might start most blogs out with that these days. Redundancy. It works for me.
It’s a Friday night…I was out and then realized that nothing would feel better than sitting on the floor of my kitchen writing it all out.
Hi.
It smells like something awkward in here. Something that is old and needs to go away. Most likely the trash but that would be too easy. I prefer to think its something more abstract like the memory of something.
I woke up to a text this morning. “I’m still in love with you.” Humph. Love. A complex word. I believe that we love moments and people that fill those moments and when faced with the reality of realizing that someone is really just human your love wanes. It’s a flu. A viral 24-hour thing. We love the ones we are not with. We place the treacherous moments with them on a pedestal. Only to be knocked off when we see their face and recognize that the fantasy is in fact, a bold reality.
Because, the thing is…if you are really, honestly, and truly in love with someone, and if it’s supposed to be, then it just is. If it isn’t – it isn’t supposed to be and words on paper or computer screens mean little more than shit without actions behind them.
Yah, I’m holding out for the white horse riding guy who makes me feel, in the very least that I’m worthy of a semblance of effort. Call me crazy but I want that sort of feeling that I am ‘it’. Bullocks. I get that. But I can’t help it. And yet, I am so good with where I am at. Set the bar low and it’s hard to disappoint or get emotional about much. In fact, you expect most people will be exactly how you expect them to be. It’s rare that they let you down. So you do your best to be your own lover and champion.
I am not perfect. I am scarred and scaled and am a complete work in progress, but as Forest Gump said, “I know what love is.” I guess I just need the boy who is the peas to my carrots and fearlessly decides that it’s just worth it.
Blah.
It’s a Friday night…I was out and then realized that nothing would feel better than sitting on the floor of my kitchen writing it all out.
Hi.
It smells like something awkward in here. Something that is old and needs to go away. Most likely the trash but that would be too easy. I prefer to think its something more abstract like the memory of something.
I woke up to a text this morning. “I’m still in love with you.” Humph. Love. A complex word. I believe that we love moments and people that fill those moments and when faced with the reality of realizing that someone is really just human your love wanes. It’s a flu. A viral 24-hour thing. We love the ones we are not with. We place the treacherous moments with them on a pedestal. Only to be knocked off when we see their face and recognize that the fantasy is in fact, a bold reality.
Because, the thing is…if you are really, honestly, and truly in love with someone, and if it’s supposed to be, then it just is. If it isn’t – it isn’t supposed to be and words on paper or computer screens mean little more than shit without actions behind them.
Yah, I’m holding out for the white horse riding guy who makes me feel, in the very least that I’m worthy of a semblance of effort. Call me crazy but I want that sort of feeling that I am ‘it’. Bullocks. I get that. But I can’t help it. And yet, I am so good with where I am at. Set the bar low and it’s hard to disappoint or get emotional about much. In fact, you expect most people will be exactly how you expect them to be. It’s rare that they let you down. So you do your best to be your own lover and champion.
I am not perfect. I am scarred and scaled and am a complete work in progress, but as Forest Gump said, “I know what love is.” I guess I just need the boy who is the peas to my carrots and fearlessly decides that it’s just worth it.
Blah.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
For just one minute
I wondered if I had actually truly meant what I had said.
A small flutter of what if?
I think its gone now. All of it.
A small flutter of what if?
I think its gone now. All of it.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Beautification
Alright ladies, I’m excited to write this blog. It struck me this morning when I looked in the mirror that my skin was looking pretty darn good despite the abuse my internal organs take on a daily basis so I thought I would share some of what my regime as of late has been.
To preface what I am about to write I have to clarify something. I am a product whore. I have pretty much tried every product under the sun so in that regard, I might be somewhat of an expert. My bathroom is for the most part a mini spa with a myriad amount of products to cleanse, scrub, buff, exfoliate and what have you. I like being a girl and products are the fun bit.
Also, I don’t wear make up except for the standard lip gloss staple and a brush or two here of blush so it’s important that my skin looks good. I am blessed, I have good skin via genetics and I pride myself on a good day in my ripe old age of almost 35 of still being able to pass for being in my 20’s.
So, we’re in a recession, I’m in between gigs right now and I have to minimize the product splurge. And in reality, the thousands I have spent on high end products have never made an ounce of difference for my skin. However, I’ve done a few things as of late that have and I've found a few 'economical products' to mix in with the higher end stuff that are showing great value.
First when I started my recent regime overhaul, I spent $100.00 and had IPL done. I am a sun slut. I have been since the day I was born. The blessing and curse of growing up by the ocean. Sun spots had crept up and they were making me insane. It was all that I saw when I looked in the mirror. The IPL procedure took about 10 minutes and within a week – they were all gone and I feel as if I just took years off my face. Ladies, its worth it.
Secondly, I have heeded the advice of my friend Gina - who might just possibly be the most gorgeous woman to actually physically be in my presence (she rocks on the mental and intellectual realms as well) so when Gina gives you advice on your skin - you listen. Gina told me to stop pissing money away getting facials. They do nothing for you except for the relaxation bit. Go to a dermatologist and get legtimate procedures done such as dermaplaning. It costs less than a facial and has far greater benefits. I couldn't agree more. So, next time you want your skin to have a boost, find a dermatologist to do procedures that will actually have impact and longevity (and yes, extractions are part of this procedure as well so you get the gunk out too!).
Now, onto products. As I said, I've tried everything under the sun. I could give you a long list of things not to waste your money on...but for today, I'll just tell you what I'm using that is really making me feel zippy about my skin.
I have a bunch of cleansers but I am currently addicted to two. In the morning I use DDF Glycolic Exfoliating Wash - girls, if you're in your 30's+ you gots to be using some glycolic somewhere. The DDF is a bit on the pricier side but it's lasted me months...I exfoliate just about every day. My new favorite is St. Ives Microderm-Abrasion Scrub. It's a whole lot of awesomeness. At night, I use Purpose, Gentle Cleansing Wash. This is my most favorite new cleanser. It's the #1 Dermatologist recommended cleanser and I now know why. It really really makes your skin feel clean but not tight or dry. And, the best part, super cheap -!
For my skin care regime, I always do a few layers. I am a BIG believer in serums + moisturizer. Because of my 'sun spot' issues I had begun using Murad Age Spot and Pigment Lightening Gel (again, pricey and now that I've had IPL not sure how much longer I'll use it once its done - but a lot of rave reviews). I dabble with numerous serums but I've been using L'Oreal Skin Genesis recently and I'm loving it. Plus, maybe I'll look like Penelope Cruz! When it comes to moisturizers, that truly an individual preference based on your skin type. Right now I use Philosophy's When Hope is Not Enough with SPF but that might change when it runs out. However, let it be known, I'm a big fan of Philosophy and always will be.
At night, after cleansing with the Purpose, I have been using L'Oreal Advanced RevitaLift Night. And that's it. That's my daily regime. Oh, and I am a strong believer now in Fish Oil pills, 1 - 2 warm glasses of lemon water a day and always, I mean always moisturize (face and body) while your skin is still wet. It helps maintain the moisture.
I wanted to share this stuff because I love when people tell me about what they are using and fab new finds. I'd rather read about cool new tips from friends than via a magazine any day. So, my hope is, you gals will read this, comment and share any beauty tips and tricks of your own. At the end of the day, my grandmother has always used just soap, water and Oil of Olay - and even at almost 90 she still has gorgeous skin...so, it's all mostly a whole lot of rubbish but it's fun rubbish.
Cheerios ladies.
T.
To preface what I am about to write I have to clarify something. I am a product whore. I have pretty much tried every product under the sun so in that regard, I might be somewhat of an expert. My bathroom is for the most part a mini spa with a myriad amount of products to cleanse, scrub, buff, exfoliate and what have you. I like being a girl and products are the fun bit.
Also, I don’t wear make up except for the standard lip gloss staple and a brush or two here of blush so it’s important that my skin looks good. I am blessed, I have good skin via genetics and I pride myself on a good day in my ripe old age of almost 35 of still being able to pass for being in my 20’s.
So, we’re in a recession, I’m in between gigs right now and I have to minimize the product splurge. And in reality, the thousands I have spent on high end products have never made an ounce of difference for my skin. However, I’ve done a few things as of late that have and I've found a few 'economical products' to mix in with the higher end stuff that are showing great value.
First when I started my recent regime overhaul, I spent $100.00 and had IPL done. I am a sun slut. I have been since the day I was born. The blessing and curse of growing up by the ocean. Sun spots had crept up and they were making me insane. It was all that I saw when I looked in the mirror. The IPL procedure took about 10 minutes and within a week – they were all gone and I feel as if I just took years off my face. Ladies, its worth it.
Secondly, I have heeded the advice of my friend Gina - who might just possibly be the most gorgeous woman to actually physically be in my presence (she rocks on the mental and intellectual realms as well) so when Gina gives you advice on your skin - you listen. Gina told me to stop pissing money away getting facials. They do nothing for you except for the relaxation bit. Go to a dermatologist and get legtimate procedures done such as dermaplaning. It costs less than a facial and has far greater benefits. I couldn't agree more. So, next time you want your skin to have a boost, find a dermatologist to do procedures that will actually have impact and longevity (and yes, extractions are part of this procedure as well so you get the gunk out too!).
Now, onto products. As I said, I've tried everything under the sun. I could give you a long list of things not to waste your money on...but for today, I'll just tell you what I'm using that is really making me feel zippy about my skin.
I have a bunch of cleansers but I am currently addicted to two. In the morning I use DDF Glycolic Exfoliating Wash - girls, if you're in your 30's+ you gots to be using some glycolic somewhere. The DDF is a bit on the pricier side but it's lasted me months...I exfoliate just about every day. My new favorite is St. Ives Microderm-Abrasion Scrub. It's a whole lot of awesomeness. At night, I use Purpose, Gentle Cleansing Wash. This is my most favorite new cleanser. It's the #1 Dermatologist recommended cleanser and I now know why. It really really makes your skin feel clean but not tight or dry. And, the best part, super cheap -!
For my skin care regime, I always do a few layers. I am a BIG believer in serums + moisturizer. Because of my 'sun spot' issues I had begun using Murad Age Spot and Pigment Lightening Gel (again, pricey and now that I've had IPL not sure how much longer I'll use it once its done - but a lot of rave reviews). I dabble with numerous serums but I've been using L'Oreal Skin Genesis recently and I'm loving it. Plus, maybe I'll look like Penelope Cruz! When it comes to moisturizers, that truly an individual preference based on your skin type. Right now I use Philosophy's When Hope is Not Enough with SPF but that might change when it runs out. However, let it be known, I'm a big fan of Philosophy and always will be.
At night, after cleansing with the Purpose, I have been using L'Oreal Advanced RevitaLift Night. And that's it. That's my daily regime. Oh, and I am a strong believer now in Fish Oil pills, 1 - 2 warm glasses of lemon water a day and always, I mean always moisturize (face and body) while your skin is still wet. It helps maintain the moisture.
I wanted to share this stuff because I love when people tell me about what they are using and fab new finds. I'd rather read about cool new tips from friends than via a magazine any day. So, my hope is, you gals will read this, comment and share any beauty tips and tricks of your own. At the end of the day, my grandmother has always used just soap, water and Oil of Olay - and even at almost 90 she still has gorgeous skin...so, it's all mostly a whole lot of rubbish but it's fun rubbish.
Cheerios ladies.
T.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Twitter: It's Not You; It's Me...
So, I’ll admit, it took me a long time to warm up to Twitter. At first I thought it to be overwhelmingly – well, overwhelming. I mean, who could possibly keep up with all of the information being purged? I had enough difficulty maintaining a Facebook status. As with anything however, time sort’s things through and after implementing about 12 Twitter monitoring tools and nailing down who it was that I really wanted to follow, what I really wanted to say and learn, I’ve gotten comfortable there.
Until lately. Well, I take that back, I still like it there but recently I feel as if I am in a cyber relationship with a myriad amount of folks I’ve never even laid eyes on and my every move is in measure with something resembling speed dating. I’ve got 1 minute and 1 Tweet to prove my worth. Eeek, what if I’m having a bad hair day and not at my wittiest? My numbers climb, then they drop and vice versa. Was it me? Did I make a bad first impression? Do I have bad breath? Was I just being used for a number and when I didn’t immediately reciprocate affection I got dropped? I mean hey, I’m not that kinda girl. Maybe it takes me a little time to get to know you.
And then comes Qwitter. Yikes. If someone stops following you, then you immediately stop following him or her? When did Twitter become spiteful? Are you following people because they interest you or because of numbers alone? And truly, you might not be interested in my random thoughts about social media marketing, what I had for breakfast or my favorite music of the week but I still might really be interested in what you have to say. Do I have to stop following you because you stopped following me?
Sometimes, you meet people, and you think you have something in common and in time, you realize that you don’t. That’s ok. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just who we are. Can’t we still be friends? You might follow me but I’m just not interested in antique cars or optical physics so I don’t return the follow. Isn’t that my right? It doesn’t mean that I still don’t think you’re fabulous. It just means that our Twitter relationship will never go to the next level because we don’t have much to talk about - so, I’m bowing out gracefully before anyone gets hurt.
I’m not here for numbers, I’m here to learn, laugh, educate and hopefully connect with some folks that have common interests. It’s ok if your not my type – or I yours. I think? I wouldn’t want anyone to follow me if they aren’t interested in social media, food or music – because what I have to say would most likely bore them – and I don’t want to be the lame girl at the party.
My thought is that people might be taking this game of Tweeting a bit too seriously. Personally, if you have 3 followers or 30,000 that won’t make a difference to me. I like you for you and I’ll follow you because something you’ve said has sparked my interest. If I stop following you, it’s nothing personal; maybe we’ve just drifted apart. It’s not you; it’s me. No hard feelings ok?
Until lately. Well, I take that back, I still like it there but recently I feel as if I am in a cyber relationship with a myriad amount of folks I’ve never even laid eyes on and my every move is in measure with something resembling speed dating. I’ve got 1 minute and 1 Tweet to prove my worth. Eeek, what if I’m having a bad hair day and not at my wittiest? My numbers climb, then they drop and vice versa. Was it me? Did I make a bad first impression? Do I have bad breath? Was I just being used for a number and when I didn’t immediately reciprocate affection I got dropped? I mean hey, I’m not that kinda girl. Maybe it takes me a little time to get to know you.
And then comes Qwitter. Yikes. If someone stops following you, then you immediately stop following him or her? When did Twitter become spiteful? Are you following people because they interest you or because of numbers alone? And truly, you might not be interested in my random thoughts about social media marketing, what I had for breakfast or my favorite music of the week but I still might really be interested in what you have to say. Do I have to stop following you because you stopped following me?
Sometimes, you meet people, and you think you have something in common and in time, you realize that you don’t. That’s ok. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just who we are. Can’t we still be friends? You might follow me but I’m just not interested in antique cars or optical physics so I don’t return the follow. Isn’t that my right? It doesn’t mean that I still don’t think you’re fabulous. It just means that our Twitter relationship will never go to the next level because we don’t have much to talk about - so, I’m bowing out gracefully before anyone gets hurt.
I’m not here for numbers, I’m here to learn, laugh, educate and hopefully connect with some folks that have common interests. It’s ok if your not my type – or I yours. I think? I wouldn’t want anyone to follow me if they aren’t interested in social media, food or music – because what I have to say would most likely bore them – and I don’t want to be the lame girl at the party.
My thought is that people might be taking this game of Tweeting a bit too seriously. Personally, if you have 3 followers or 30,000 that won’t make a difference to me. I like you for you and I’ll follow you because something you’ve said has sparked my interest. If I stop following you, it’s nothing personal; maybe we’ve just drifted apart. It’s not you; it’s me. No hard feelings ok?
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