I’ve sort of had this odd energy lately. These “what if’s” buzzing quietly around my head. I’m not really a “what if” type of gal so I find it all unsettling. I’ve always believed that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, I don’t question much.
I keep worrying about what if I missed a window? What if there was a moment that was supposed to bring me somewhere else and I didn’t see it? What if I walked right by it? What if I let it go without knowing what it meant? What if that window was my chance at something more and I was too tired, ignorant or afraid and now that chance has disappeared. What if, there is never anything more again except wondering what if I had done things differently? What if, in fact, this is actually not where I am supposed to be?
How can I possibly challenge what innately has been my mantra for the majority of my life. And more so, why - because what I have, where I am - should be enough?
I presume it’s a stage of something…some strange reckoning of the soul which I will ultimately transcend out of with some higher spiritual enlightenment but for right now, it looms everywhere around me. In everything I see and touch. What...if…
3 comments:
i like the "soul reckoning" bit... it's all part of the process.
The apparently never ending process. Ugh.
I think we all ask ourselves that question but I think ultimately we have taken the roads that lead us to where we are like, them or not because this is where we are meant to be for whatever reason and this path will surely take us to our next one.
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