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Not sure about all of you but 2012 was an insane year for
me. One of complete emotional and
spiritual evolution. The largest
portion of which was releasing myself of people, things, memories, places,
actions, reactions, and emotions, which no longer served my present or my future. This was something I have needed to do
for a long time but hadn’t been able.
It was an intense year but a cathartic year – one of which I believe has
built the foundation that will allow me the ability to have much greater light
in my life moving ahead.
It was the year of the Shaman, and the therapist, hopping on
many airplanes, strangely amazing conversations with strangers, slamming into a soul
mate, a hawk, sunshine, music, rainbows, quitting my job to begin a new
adventure, giving myself time, growing a garden, forgiveness without an
apology, painting a fence blue, past life regression, writing, healing, crying,
anchors, laughing hysterically, loving hard, communing with the Universe,
pictures, water, and above all else, friendship.
In many ways, I’d like to believe it was the year that
became my beginning. The beginning
of everything to come. The beginning of the next story. I’m still processing it all. There is emptiness in release and now
my priority is to fill that space with the right things. The best things. Light. Lasting light.
Which brings me to my New Years Resolution. Which I never make – because I believe
who we are, what we should do and be - should be a constant state of being, not
a yearly effort, but this year, I’m going to force myself into remembering
something.
I will no longer give what I do not receive. There are 3 types of people in this
world. There are givers, there are
takers and there are inbetweeners – (those that do neither). I no longer have an interest in the
latter two. I am who I am. I can’t help but give of myself. It’s the only way that makes sense to
me. If I look you in the eye, tell
you that you are loved by me, you will be, in every form I have for as long as
I exist. However, through most of
my life, my mistake at times, has been to be to give to those who are
undeserving. For a long time I
thought it was my destiny, to save and help others, to guide them, show them
another way. No. It’s not. It’s only the case for those that I learn from and am guided
by as well. The exhaustion of
purging all of your soul, the lessons that you have learned through thousands of
lifetimes and handing them a ginormous secret that many search lifetimes for is
a robbery. They need to find it
themselves. I have served no
others of late by giving them light when it is their darkness they need to
understand the most.
I will release myself of those who say they, they don’t have
‘time’…fuck off. Time never
ends. You have time for anything
that you choose. Excuses are boring. I have walked out
of meetings, dinners, parties, and moments for a friend in need or for someone
who just needed a smile – or more importantly acknowledgement. Nothing is more important than to take
a moment to acknowledge those in your Universe. I will no longer make excuses for, or appease those that
don’t exemplify this to make them feel better about their lack of depth. We all have time to listen, to ask, to
respond, to laugh, to care, to pay attention. We have time for everything that means enough. So, if I feel that I don’t mean enough,
I’m eliminating you from my inner sanctity because trust me, those that are
there are enough and you don’t belong within our circle.
I speak all of this with love. I can’t fault those that haven’t been through as much, or as
many lives to understand. But I
will say this….this will be the year of Tarah going more quiet and focusing
solely on those that love me as much as I love them. I am blessed enough to have so many. I stood outside with Kara this morning
and said, “You guys make it really hard to be depressed. I guess that’s why I always have you
around me – because you always make me laugh.” And that will be my mantra moving ahead - add to my spirit,
- and my soul, love and friendship is yours. Offer me nothing, and you will receive exactly that.
The full moon blessing and purging to myself is one in the
same. Love, and be loved. If not, let go because there is no
place in my life for ambivalence.
Ambivalence is the opposite of love – or so the song says. I am ambivalent about nothing. You either have all of me or nothing and I won't waste your time with an in between. Therefore I will choose to surround
myself with the same. If you love
me, as a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, a lover, then give me 100% -
otherwise go away. I have no need
for half of anything. This does
not mean I will not always speak, interact and respond to you with kindness, it
just means, you are no longer given back stage passes to my soul.
I will always have a life preserver on hand for those in
need, however I’m going to conserve energy, and tend to my light and give it
out sparingly to only those that have the same within them. I will not be cold - I will just now be
selective. I’ve given enough.
So that is it.
My New Year. A year of TT
dimming her light so that it can preserved to shine brightest for those that need and
deserve it most. Perhaps even upon
myself. Time will tell – but my
hope is for someone else to shine bright enough for me to take it in. It would be nice to feel the warmth of
something else. I’ve spent a
lifetime searching for that – I think I’m close…we shall see.
Many full moon blessings. I wish nothing but the greatest of love for each of us
moving ahead. The tides have turned;
we stand in a place of release and hope if we allow for it. Appreciate the gifts that you have been
given. Acknowledge them, show them
gratitude and release the rest.
Stand with sunlight on your face and take a deep breath. The best is yet to come. Just love well and love right. Right. Don’t disregard those and that which
has brought you beauty. Nourish
it - them... For those that have stripped
you from joy, I pray you can find a way to forgive and wash them away with the tide and
begin anew. We have lost so much,
and gained even more. Find your
more and hold that tightly.
Merry New Year.
Thanks for listening. xo
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