Beck and I always talk about the effects of being 30,000 feet in the air. It makes you think. Maybe it’s the quiet, the vulnerability, the passing over the energy of new lands – whatever it is, I’m not sure but it makes my mind sort of melt and the desire to purge every thought appears.
Today I escaped the office for a bit and walked around Detroit. It was cold out but I felt sort of numb so I didn’t notice. I had my headphones in, sunglasses on, sort of lost in thought and air and time roaming the streets wishing I had my camera to capture some of the beauty hidden within this dilapidated city.
I had walked back there to see if I could catch a glimpse of some sunlight on my face, but he wasn’t around. I walked slowly, which isn’t really like me. I have ridiculously long legs. I basically sprint everywhere. But it was calming. Just breathing. Just being. Getting lost in my head for a bit and imagining life being different. It seemed fitting to peer through empty windows of empty buildings.
Most people think you’re insane to walk around Detroit alone but it doesn’t scare me. I have sort of fallen in love with the city over the past couple of years. It reminds me of myself. Something sort of broken down, that used to be beautiful and thriving - and that one day might be great again. Maybe that sounds like some fluffy literary symbolism but it’s how I feel. I find comfort in Detroit. Or perhaps things that dwell within. I find comfort in the hope of it all.
I thought about my life. The goodness of it. The sadness of it. The loathness of it over the past couple of years. The hopefulness of it. Maybe it’s my city of hope. The place I need to go to in order to be reminded that anything can be rebuilt.
Last night a soul friend held my hand and said nice things. I know he wants me to be o.k., to find my happiness. I want that too. I’m trying. I just get lost sometimes and veer down the wrong path. More so, I just get tired. Fighting for yourself is exhausting – but what else can you do?
Anyway, I digress….Detroit. There is beauty and life within that city and for whatever reason it came into my life, I’m grateful. There is an ellipsis there. It’s not over. There is just a pause of things to come. Like this. Like me……
Thanks for listening.
